| summer |
[Jun. 19th, 2008|11:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | slumber | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | cigarettes- the wreckers | ] |
my name is laura.
i have had this livejournal for 4 years.
i cannot believe i am writing in here.
i graduated high school.
im going to uw la crosse next year. i have already registered for classes.
matt has been gone two years.
that group of friends no longer exists.
i am finally going to be the one leaving, instead of the one being left.
i dont feel like i fit brookfield anymore.
i need to get out.
im tired.
i was emo.
i was a fairy.
i was wild.
i was reckless.
i dated a football player.
i was obsessive.
i traveled.
ive kissed too much.
i speak too often.
im not afraid to admit that i messed up.
ive had a great beginning of summer although some things were not so good.
im afraid of the way people will react.
i am on my new laptop... macbook pro in my bed. who would have thought.
i need a job so bad and ive been trying so hard but i cant find one and it sucks so much.
i get bored during the day and i wish there were more people to hang out with.
i miss last summer a lot to be honest.
i dont go to as many concerts anymore.
i listen to country way more than i listen to emo.
joshua radin is my love and i cant stop listening to him.
i hate boys. i love boys.
ive grown up a lot in these two years but in someways ive become immature.
everything will come around in time. |
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| wow |
[Jan. 17th, 2008|10:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sorry- maria mena | ] |
livejournal livejournal livejournal. haha this is getting to be ridiculous but whatever. so i got into minnesota. i have no idea what im going to do. wow. no idea. im so lost. i have the worst case of senioritis ever. i cant focus all i want to do is play tetris. fergs and i went to minnesota in december to visit megs. that was fun. nick and i didnt talk until new years eve. we went to coffee and things are a little bit okay. ahhh life is so fucked up sometimes. new years ended up being pretty fun. i dont really know this person ive become tho. im doing well on my new years resolutions tho. minus not hating poms. i hate it so so so so so so so much. i dont know how much longer i can take it. theres like a month left. thats all. forever. lancerettes over. weird thought but i think it will be okay. so 2 days left and then exams. its weird that tomorrows friday then we have monday off and exams weds thurs fri. im freaking out tho cuz i think theyre all going to be pretty hard. i should study. i cant stand the people at school anymore either. ahh this is so whiney but it doesnt matter because no one reads it anyways. everyone is so fucking fake its ridiculous. sluts. seriously. ew but hey i need to grow up. get over it. people are ridiculous sometimes and theres nothing i can do to change that. i got new sunglasses at urban in madison last weekend. theyre so so so so cool. by the way its 2008. its my graduating year. like 4 more months and im done. wow its going to be fantastic. my hair is ginormously long. im having emotional break downs about it and this is what i was thinking about in PAD this morning:
i havent cut my hair since matt left
all of a sudden i have all of these split ends
the ends are damaged and breaking
the color is darkening
i spend a lot of my time picking my split ends during class when i just cant pay attention anymore
realizing i used to search and search to find a split end and never could
thats really lame but its weird how i have this weird emotional attachment to my hair and how the split and broken and darkend ends really really describes me well right now.
and i finally realized why i obsess over things. when i need to get my mind off of something else. it was shaun white when nick and i stopped talking. now its tetris. everyone needs their escape right? even if it makes no sense what so ever.
i got to level 13 in tetris today which was a personal record on my calculator during AP environmental. im so proud.
thank you
thank you
thank you
thank you
thank you
thank you
stocks. glasses. boots. sundrenched world. bitches. lovers. lost. missing. love(d)
stop thinking. |
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| we can swim every day in november |
[Nov. 17th, 2007|09:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | janet- the format | ] |
Its been like 2 months since ive written but thats fine. things have been random lately. i really didnt do so well first quarter in school. i take it back i dont like PAD i dont have strong opinions. i like that im in the photo lab for like a lot of the day and can basically do whatever i want. trig is tough but im practicing and hopefully getting better. its very gloomy today i wonder when it will snow. state football was yesterday. bc obvoiusly didnt go we lost to german town it was really sad. i just started liking regular coffee which is great cuz its much cheaper and less fattening. i feel bad cuz i lead someone on. it was a huge bitch move. so last night was the black light dance. we went to katie mccormacks before to get ready and eat pizza. the dance was alright. i danced with ross hahaahha it was sufficiently awkward. it was actually kind of a buzzkill night. it wasnt awful tho. i had some fun. i only write in here when im feeling emo. oh yes! i got into lacrosse so that is most likely where i will be going next year. also me and nick havent talked in 2 weeks. i ended it and its the first time ive really stood up for myself so im proud. it sucks tho it really does. hes funny. i like badasses. its great. i think i might go back to bed. its so gloomy. two day week next week will be great. oh yeah i also quit my job. so i need to find a new one. that went over well with the mother.... (not so much). I HATE BOYS LKAJFDIOEHRALKJSAd. |
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| fuck full moons |
[Sep. 27th, 2007|11:05 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | run- snow patrol | ] |
today was the weirdest fucking day ever. weirdest doctors appointment. our floors are getting redone. i went out to dinner with mom at emperors kitchen. my voicemails from matt somehow all got deleted except for one. the last thing of him i have to hold onto thats real. and in time im sure that will accidentally get deleted as well which will be awesome. i cant keep holding on to everything its not working. i cant handle my own body. i need math help already. i went to caribou with paul to study and we helped steve ask krista to homecoming. I watched the season primere of greys and the office. tomorrow is bc football i guess thats one good thing. oh i deleted the yearbook on accident i think? thats awesome.
remember when we were real people? |
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| senior year/college/confirmation/closedstudyhall/freshman/bcfootball/bullshit |
[Sep. 8th, 2007|11:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  fucked over | ] |
| [ | music |
| | paperweight... joshua radin | ] |
so first day of senior year went pretty well. the only class that really really sucks is study hall. there are like a total of 2 other seniors in there and its so awkward and were not allowed to talk or go to the bathroom or the library and idk. last year study hall was awesome this year it sucks so much. i have to do 9 hours of service in school to use the senior lounge. idk about that i prolly will do it. the rest of the week was really stressful because ive been trying to finish my applications so i can get them sent in by the 15th. the thing that sucks is thats not going to happen. there is no way our guidence department will be able to send all of the overachiever's apps in as well as all the normal people by the 15th. they just cant their idiots. they never explained anything to us. plus im glad my teachers are filling out reccommendations for me but i need them like now. idk theyre all hung up on deadlines but they cant seem to write a one paragraph reccommendationt htat will take like 3 minutes. procrastination. so thats difficult. im nervous for trig. i like ap bio. i like pad we already tal;ked about mormons on the first day. mitt romney yeah right. lets get realistic. no one wants to wear that bullshit. people have been so chatty and catty and annoying. cept boys are so hott. i have to finish my essay for the uw system today. once i get everything set up all i have to do is get my letters of reccommend which should be by wednesday. hopefully wow.
i got confirmed on thursday. it went well. i didnt know i got gifts but i guess you do for that kind of thing... i got a brand new digital camera its awesome! seriously i love it. and my aunty got me a card and a check. im going to buy music with some of the money. i missed several concerts recently due to pom poms but i guess whatev. but its not okay. friday we had practice
we went to the bc football game vs sussex last night and lost. it was so depressing. bc football is not supposed to lose! ahhh im so depressed about it. i miss bcfb06 it was way better. we went to kopps after the game and then me and krista chatted. it was a good chat. im a little calmer today about writing this essay. i feel like if i just relax and think about it it will help. i wish we were rich and i could just go wherever i wanted cuz i can get into out of state schools uk.
its so easy to write in here i could do it forever but when it comes to writing some bullshit about why i should be accepted its frusturating because they dont know me they dont know how i work and its hard to put into words. when the essay is really what puts you in or out. some of it is just a matter of luck. i finished and handed in my minnesota app already. i wont get in so im not really freaking out i guess. im procrastinating i guess.
i miss nick. |
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| i dont know |
[Aug. 28th, 2007|02:12 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | boston- augustana | ] |
So today i had a meeting with my guidance counsler at 11. it went well i changed to ap environmental so i have more stuff for college. so stressfull. also me and mom went to lunch at the spur and i checked the shedule im working wednesday and saturday this week. friday is my cousins wedding. im excited the last wedding i went to was in like 6th grade. also nick came home on sunday and it was really fun! i miss that boy. ive been doing laundry and choreographing for poms which i have to teach at 4. i dont have a car so hannah has to take me to poms. im working on a photo album with sam for meghan cuz shes leaving tomorrow. also i finished my resume and asked teachers for recommendations. i dont know what im going to do about working wednesdays from now on because i cant miss practice every wednesday. so thats retarded. i think were going to swim at sams tonight. i dont really feel like poms today i guess. i need to go shopping for back to school clothes. senior year wow. life goes by quickly. i love music. and fall. halloween. homecoming. football. asia loves fall too.
ps superbad is such a funny movie |
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| after 14 months he finally gave up on me |
[Aug. 26th, 2007|06:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nauseated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | let it all out- relient k | ] |
August 21, 2007
Dear Laura,
I got your letter, sorry it took me so long. Things have been going well here in the mission field. Now I have a truck and i havent rode my bike in a while. Its been weird being back in my first area. Ive been thinking lately and wondering about the future... And i honestly dont see things working out for you and I. We arent the same youve changed, and ive changed. We have totally different views on the world, the purpose of life and i know our goals are different. This is not a bad thing, and i dont say this to make you feel bad or to change you or manipulate. I just know that you will not want me by the time i come back and i will not be the same. Its not because of anything you did or because you are inadequate. I know that my interests and life goals are a little different than before. We both knew this all along full well, but i know and feel that things will never be the same. i hope this is not too hard for you and you realize its for your good. " i know that this will hurt, but if i dont break your heart things will just get worse, if the burden seems to much to bear, remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there" I never really understood those lyrics before. I care for you and i do remember once upon a time when we were together and the way it was and the way it felt, but i just wont be coming back the same person that you knew i was. Im different and the things i have seen, heard, and felt here have changed my world. I promise that this is for the best. I know i will see you again and i hope you will forgive me. Here on my mission ive been through a lot and i dont want to be a scar on your mind but i hope i havent been all bad and pain to you. I really dont have time to write and i never meant to be a jerk. I hope that we can see each other when i get back and i hope you find someone else better for you. you will make them very happy. Im sorry. I will see you next year.
Matt |
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| love |
[Aug. 24th, 2007|09:11 am] |
| [ | music |
| | all i have- the rocket summer | ] |
If you really loved me you would be able to say it to my face
If you really loved me you would be able to say it to my face when youre not drunk.
If you really loved me you wouldn't have said those things you said that night.
If you really loved me you would have waited patiently for me to be ready to love you back.
If you really loved me, I wouldn't feel forced.
If you really loved me it would mean that you actually (heaven forbid) had feelings.
If you really loved me you would talk to me and not get mad every .2 seconds.
If you really loved me you wouldnt swear at me.
If you really loved me, the only reason you would call me crazy is in context to ... about you.
If you really loved me you would realize that distance isnt the end of the world.
If you really loved me you wouldnt ask me to compare you to my ex.
If you really loved me you would let me hang out with whoever i want.
If you really loved me you wouldnt drive away from me still standing there on multiple occasions for things that i didnt even understand
If you really loved me you would understand that ive been through more than you think i have
If you really loved me you wouldnt be embarassed to have a girlfriend
If you really loved me you would make fun of my music in a joking manner
If you really loved me you would follow through
If you really loved me you would return the favor
If you really loved my i wouldnt feel trapped
If you really loved me i wouldnt be scared to talk to you about real life things
If you really loved me you would tell me everything
The conclusion of this post is that you should never tell someone you love them if you dont. Love should not be used as a last resort. Love should not be forced. Love takes time.
sorry that im taken aback
but how i am you never asked
and i dont need your sympathy
but a care would be so nice to have once in a while
you mean more to me than i could ever tell
so sorry that im taken aback but i just cant help it
we fight to much. were both stubborn and self absorbed people. |
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| no safety nets here |
[Aug. 9th, 2007|02:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | dirty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | joshua radin | ] |
being left is my sepecialty. but also im really good at setting myself up for it. why did i do this in the first place. what is so wrong with me. i guess i will just never make anyone happy. |
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| 4th of july |
[Jul. 5th, 2007|03:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | nauseated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | amazing because it is- the almost | ] |
i dont know what it is. but every 4th of july ends in some drama. i hate it. i hate the 4th of july. first i get ditched for the plain white ts concert. i have to clean my whole house for this party. then i get shit from my boyfriend about i dont even know what. apparently im a terrible person. i dont know. its not like i did anything. im supposed to read minds apparently. i guess im just used to being treated like the little princess. and i guess girlfriends are supposed to just take whatever is thrown at them its their job to know what to do and say and read minds and just be perfect and look pretty and i dont even know what im saying anymore im just so angry. the john mayer concert was perfect then all of a sudden im the most disappointed human being in the world. wow i just let everyone down. thanks meghan and fergs and dan for going to the plain white ts and the almost with me. i loved the concert it rocked my world. delilah ripped my heart out. i dont know. anywho i hope it rains like super hard. i have to work friday and saturday this week. so the dashboard conceert is going to be hard to make. i dont know i have to go tho thats the thing. respect. i leave everything everywhere. i hear thunder its appealing.
guess what i dont care |
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| it was only once |
[May. 12th, 2007|10:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | innocent vigilant ordinary- the appleseed cast | ] |
so prom was fun. the weather has been beautiful lately and im so excited for summer. Its kind of cold today. yesterday we had a poms meeting at the bishops, our clothes are gonna be awesome. then we went to asiana for dinner which was funny. i have no clue what im going to do today. i think i might clean goldie. i have to work at 5 duh. like always. i need to talk to my boss about getting more hours for the summer so i dont have to have two jobs. i dont know. im excited for warped tour and summerfest. i wish my hair would grow faster. the last time i got it cut was like a year ago. so our new screened porch is kind of cool. cept i want to lay out in the backyard and i cant right now cuz of all the construction. im so excited to get my new cell phone... ahhhh i love it. anyways im obsessed with the appleseed cast right now. i might be going to the minus the bear concert on wednesday which would be fun. i have my ap test for psych on tuesday... i should study for that today. i dunno. people are so lame and boring lately. i wanted to go to club sugar last night that would have been fun but you know how things are. if i had all the money in the world i would buy all the music i wanted and travel everywhere to see the bands that i love and i would just travel and it would be so fun. and i would find someone to love and it would be the most amazing thing. i dont know what im talking about anymore.
and how we drank the sun
and killed the night
and fought the sleep and won
and how we left it all unmade
it was only once
now theres more than one.
no theres only one. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2007|08:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | song in my head- sherwood | ] |
so senior ball was fun.... im glad third quarter is finally over and spring break is in 2 days. even though im not really going anywhere. im visiting university of minnesota and winona and im going to the mall of america if that counts? idk my birthday is coming up. ill probably just go shopping for my birthday. then 420 is my bday party i just called the california pizza kitchen but they dont take reservations which sucks becuase thats where i want to go but its going to be hard to fit 15 people in at dinner time. i dont know. i hope it works out well and eveything is lovely. i hope its warm here over spring break so that i can get at least a little bit of color while everyone else comes back black. sweet. were going to mexico tho in june which should be tits. im on jeffs computer because our other one is retarded. i dont feel like doing any of my homework and i cant get any of it done in study hall anymore. i feel like i dont really care. i just want a boy. and to be perfect. my eye hurts. ive been sitting around since i got home from school its so lame and gross i feel bored. i hope i can sleep. i hope we dont get tpd because my mom is gonna make me clean it up because shes a psycho. anywho im going to snow patrol on thursday with alyssa which is something to look forward to.i saw taking back sunday jacks mannequin hellogoodbye and armor for sleep on fuse today. it was a good time. it was pretty nice out today as well it better not rain or snow
oh i dont believe it
that i could be so deciving
and bringing you down to feel this lack of loyalty
you were a song in my head
the warmth of the sheets in my bed
a story forever told
but never old
a warm arrival never left so cold
dont blink dont close your eyes
and most of all dont apologize
its me whos got the demons to wrestle now |
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| 33 |
[Mar. 1st, 2007|10:22 pm] |
so i made poms. along with 32 other people. im so nervous. seriously. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 21st, 2007|08:23 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | american idol ( i know gag me) | ] |
so i requested off for next weekend so i can go to the tbs underoath and armor for sleep concert. tomorrow is bring your community to school day so it should be pretty chill except for my destinos test which is gonna suck for sure. my mom is being annoying tonight. my dad is out of town. school this week has been sleepy. i went running today and it felt good. i also went to yearbook. i just want my mom to stop naggin and being grumpy. same with everything i dont know. im done.
k bye |
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| what? |
[Feb. 19th, 2007|10:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
dear my livejournal
im so sorry i have neglected you once again. everyone has forgotten about you but i still love you :-) its only 10:36 i realize, but this is late for me nowadays. see last year i used to go to sleep at like 2 every morning and i was fine but now im a baby and i need to sleep all of the time. last night i couldnt fall asleep because i talked to danny on the phone. tonight i cant fall asleep because i have way too much on my mind. i have to go to the doctor too much. i have to work too much, my job is so stressful and im going to have to find a new job for summer. Also taking back sunday, underoath and armor for sleep are going to be here in two weeks and i absolutly positively must go but i ahve to work and alex is being gay and probably wont work for me and thats so mean because this is like once in a lifetime uk? we're finally done with poms except well probably have to pom at some of the random games for playoff which is lame no offense but i hope we dont make it to state for basketball because i cant do poms anymore. i got my bangs trimmed today. i havent really been doing any of my homework i leave it all until study hall first hour. which usually is fine until it comes to test day. i suck at tests. I also am flustered about spring break. were supposed to go somewhere cool and then parentals were being lame about it but now i think weere going to navarre beach and were driving and i just hope that krista can come because i dont want it to just me me and mom and dad because no offense but thats boring. i also cant stop thinking about summer. i want it so bad. matt has been gone for 8 months which is so long and my dad is sending out the package i got for him FIANLLY after 2 months hell be getting something from me. i went on his sn today cuz im a loser. people got excited. i felt bad. anywho. also i cant stop thinking about where my cd case is. i lost it. theres like probably 20 cds in there. they were the ones matt burned me for vday last year as well as a couple other ones that i got last summer. i want them back. if anyone knows anything about them please notify me asap. thanks. i dont want to pick out music yet. im so bad at music right now. i have no emotions. just a busy brain. i love music more than like everything but right now i dont know what i want to listen to ever because nothing means anything anymore and i want it to because thats the whole point and i dont want to turn into some loser who just listens to music to fill silence. thats not just what its for its for love and everythign and hate and frusturation and anger and lust and just everything. and then theres me. what the hell am i doing. i have no idea. its 10:43 and im writing in my livejournal feeling nostalgic. also im freaking out about classes next year and what college i want to go to and how the hell am i going to get in when i suck at school so bad. i just want summer so i can chill the f out. My birthday is actually kind of soon. i found a prom dress that i love. I just want march to be over with. i want to go to my concerts and i dont want to work and i want a new wardobe and im so winey right now. i think im going to sleep in the computer room because i just cant sleep in my bed tonight my mind is just buzzing and i cant stop it. i hope this week goes fast. if you still read this let me know... leave a comment. its more of a summery thing to do. i suppose but its winter and i love you livejournal and its your 2 year anneversary i think. im sorry i forgot i love you mucho. love me too! feel better. sleep well. i miss you. xoxo
fairy |
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| the only time i write in here is when i really am missing matt |
[Jan. 8th, 2007|07:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | getting into you- relient k | ] |
i never go on this anymore. no one does. life is lame. ive been doing a lot better in school though. i dont know. read the title of this entry. its plain and simple. we will never work because i dont believe that crazy stuff he does. but i cant help it. i still love him.
k bye |
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| mixed feelings |
[Dec. 15th, 2006|11:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | it ends tonight- aar------ so intense | ] |
i dont feel like its christmas time at all. that sucks. im getting 3 D s on my reportcard. that sucks. we pommed our xmas dance at the game tonight... it was okay. then me and sammy ran out and went to the ehehm all american rejects concert.... and i went for the format but we missed them by the time we got there which totally sucks and we didnt get to see nate. but we did get to see motion city soundtrack and we got pretty close to tyson ritter as well. we got justin from motion city's autograph and saw the people from girls like boys but i dont knwo them or really listen to them. i also got a format sticker and i let sammy buy the cd. im going to see nate on sunday though so that will be amazing.
im tired and i smell like the rave but i love it.
night night
me
sooo deep. |
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| lksdjafoiasdnkdslf |
[Dec. 4th, 2006|08:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | when paula sparks- copeland | ] |
hey its me.
i know no one reads this so this is just good to get out there to like the world. So i have been so sick since tuesday, i still cant talk i dont even know i still have and ear infection. i went to the doctor on saturday to get some medicine i also worked and went to caribou and to jonos to watch pulp fiction. i should probably start christmas shopping. i love christmas so much. its so sad this year though. so so so sad this year. anyways. im so tired. i have so much make up work to do and i need a tutor in physics and in algebra 2 because i just suck and i dont even know and i hate that i dont care about physics but i dont. mrs zimmermin is so crabby and so mean and doesnt help at all. im so sick of high school. everyone back stabs and is just so bitchy and mean about everything i cant handle that shit anymore. i want a boyfriend. preferibly matt but right now im kind of open to new options. i got a letter from him today. i miss that boy a lot. especially now that its christmas time. i dont know i hate hate hate drama and rumors and just people being stright up bitches. you cant really trust like anyone these days which is really sad actually. and i will admit that i have done some of these things and i hate it. i was so good like at the end of last year with everything like that and just keeping my mouth shut but basically that worked because matt was here for me to vent to with knowing that he would never go around and spread rumors about me haha. that would be weird because there would be no one for him to say anythign to? he didnt even know these people but he always was on my side. he always listend to me and stood up for me and gave me new music to listen to and loved me. i want him to still love me like he used to. i want to still love him like i used to. i kind of want things to go back to the way they used to be. when i was nice. when matt was here. when everyone was still friends. when people didnt have preconcieved ideas about the person i am.
<3 me
sleep now moon |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 26th, 2006|06:30 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | ergo propter- daphne loves derbe | ] |
happy one year anniversary matt |
|
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| youre all i have |
[Nov. 18th, 2006|11:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | music |
| | youre all i have- snow patrol | ] |
so thursday i went to the doctor for my headaches... it turns out im allergic to wheat. so that seriously sucks because basically everything has wheat in it and thats really frusturating. also the state game was so fun and so goood and im so proud of our boys they played so well. i feel bad that they lost and they shouldnt bee too hard on themselves for it because i love bc football.
ps i really dont want to work tonight especially with my brother being there |
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